Welcome to the RoShamBusiness

Jun 5, 2014 • Elliott Spelman

This blog post is meant to explain the RoShamBusiness. We make things literally. The RoShamBusiness is dedicated to giving new (and probably unnecessary) life to ideas that previously only existed as ideas. We’re taking concepts with a high degree of meaning and making objects with no degree of meaning.1Examples

Does that sound overly highbrow and esoteric to you? Good! The RoShamBusiness strives to be many things, but easy to understand is not one of them. We want to make incredibly self-congratulatory, useless things that require a surprising amount of money to purchase.

Look for our Kickstarter in late July!

We plan to operate under our Patent-Pending 82Though the name “Patent-Pending 8 Point Compass RoShamBusinessPlan®” must remain exactly the same for legal reasons, the number of points has already expanded to nine and may continue to further expand in the future. Point Compass RoShamBusinessPlan®, outlined below:

  1. Don’t make useful things.
  2. Hire everyone.
  3. Everyone we hire gets to choose their own position.3Choosing your position involves choosing a title, rank, and up to three subordinates who must be subordinate to you regardless of their own positions.
  4. There is only one position that is required to exist at all times: VP of Sales.
  5. When the current VP of Sales leaves, the next one must be chosen from the remaining employees.
  6. The next VP of Sales must be chosen in a competition wherein all remaining employees vie to determine who has been actively seeking employment elsewhere the hardest. Employees must submit evidence to their concurrent job searches. The person most in danger of immediately leaving will be named the new VP of Sales.
  7. Integrity.
  8. Answer questions that nobody has really asked.
  9. All products will be priced with two prices: the actual selling price and the alternative price of “whatever is expensive to you.”4This is obviously only a price that you yourself can know, but as a rule of thumb we suggest people compare it to the luxury tax in Monopoly - 10% of your total net worth.

If none of this makes sense, our business can also be summarized by the picture below:

skymall

The RoShamBusiness is now fully operational. See the whole dealio on our homepage.